To begin with, I definitely want to hate all men for the rest of my life. Secondly, I’m all about free bleeding. Thirdly, I think all women should grow out all their pubic hair to prove a massive point. In addition, I must be a lesbian if I care about women so much? And lastly… well I think you get the point.

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Just kidding!

The real reason I’m here to express myself is because of  the term “entitlement”. I believe that some men think they are entitled to a woman’s attention and this trait in an individual is ultimately toxic. It leaves the other person, to some degree, powerless.

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Let me tell you a story of when I felt almost sexually harassed on a tube…

Being sexually harassed is one of the most intimidating and scariest experiences one can ever face.

It lingers in your mind; staining your existence; promoting an irrational fear of men.

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I was taking my brother (8) and sister (16) on the tube to a family event. As we got on, we sat down; a seat away from me a man was there. He had large silver chains – as jewellery – around his wrists. There were tattoos on his face, such as tiny handcuffs near his eyes… I thought it might represent the fact he went to prison. He also had two nose piercings on each side of his nose. He looked over 56.

To be honest, from his image, he would definitely be preconceived to be frightening – however I want to point out that men from all different backgrounds harass women.

He began speaking to us, quite politely may I add. He spoke about the institutionalised racism that exists within England and the differences between the north and south. I noticed he was interested in the idea of “blacks and Asians not getting on.” I was encouraging the conversation as it seemed casual (lol). As the conversation continued, I noticed certain changes in his voice and at that point I felt trapped, isolated and unable to escape.

He called my little sister pretty and winked. He followed on by saying age shouldn’t be a factor in dating. He persistently asked me out for a drink. I believe that his previous conversation about racism allowed him to ‘frame me’ if I said I didn’t want to date him (for him it would be because he was black and I’m Indian). He then asked me if I would date Stormzy, PURELY to see if I would date a black man. I said it was age dependent, not race. He asked me about how my father would react if I brought him home.

He said when my sister is older he’d hit her up… my sister didn’t reply at that point. When he asked her whether it was because he was black, she replied with “yes, and what?”… this was an attempt to shut him up. I told him off for asking and said “don’t you dare”, becoming angry. It literally became pedophilloic at this point because he initially thought my sister was 11. Afterwards he said “go on, why don’t you take a picture to remember me by?” I replied by saying “no I don’t want to do that”.

I suddenly became increasingly anxious and I could feel my heart pounding because he kept missing his stop to talk to us ABOUT DATING. The old man was not taking no for an answer. I was giving other people on the tube direct eye contact attempting to beg for help.

I was trapped. What if he followed me off the tube? What if he became aggressive if I kept saying no? My job is to protect my sister and brother. My job is to keep them safe. When someone is talking to you, ignoring certain people may infuriate them, and in the social situation how am I supposed to ignore a human being who is sat a seat away from me?

I did however, try to ignore him and exit the conversation. He then asked me why my eyebrows looked down… I said that I thought it was inappropriate that he asked me out and I mentioned that my father is a similar age. I said that I felt uncomfortable talking about dating. He chuckled and reverted back to talking about culture, reframing our conversation… *side fucking eye*.

Due to the fact he noticed a swift change in tone he said he would get off at the next stop… it came to the stop. I reluctantly said “aren’t you getting off?” He said “yeah, yeah”, waving his hand. He then slouched into his seat further and placed his hand on his chin. He was indeed, relaxed.

I looked to my sister and told her to call our family to come and pick us up when we get off. I believe he eventually got the message that I was becoming slightly scared. I was really unsure how to play it. I played the tactic by literally just saying it was inappropriate… he changed topic and didn’t stop talking. My next tactic was to show I was scared and someone was actually picking us up. At that point he decided to get off of the tube, 3 stops before ours (LUCKILY).

As he got off, I waited for the doors to close so I could feel safe again.

My heart still racing.

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I realised how a situation like that could have definitely progressed into something horrific. However, there were certain social constraints disallowing him from taking his persistence any further. Nonetheless, my emotive response to the situation highlighted that I felt trapped and isolated.

This is so easily applicable to many other stories where women are spoken to in such an inappropriate manner. We need to stop blaming the victim for “encouraging” and begin to understand that men can be persistent. Some men can phrase their words to invite you into talking and you then realise you can only be polite from there.

The tone is set.

(Should my politeness perceived as an invitation to flirt and HARASS ME? I think the fuck not.)

There is a guilt embedded into some women that cannot be shaken even if they really don’t want to do something.

Okay, so for EXAMPLE… Cardi B was emotionally manipulated by Offset on stage at one of her concerts to take him back even though HE cheated on her.

The guilt and humiliation that comes with this showcases that women ARE guilty for not always appeasing men.

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So, also, when we tell victims to say no… will that ever make a difference when some men believe they have the power to persist? Saying no does not solve the problem. The problem stems from their believed entitlement over women. Stop raising your sons as blessings in comparison to their female counter parts. Stop condoning the sexualisation of younger women and men! It starts from the defendant, not the victim.

The moral of this story was to showcase how sexism is embedded into one’s own language choice and to highlight this core belief that men have the power to persist. Their entitlement over women morally allows them to keep going, KEEP asking, KEEP pushing.

These are the real things women are fighting for; don’t let stupid tweets from the ‘DailyMail’ let you believe feminists want a gender neutral Father Christmas. It’s NOT TRUE!

The end… I hope you enjoyed your read x