This is my first real encounter of sexism since beginning a degree in Sociology.

How f*cking ironic…

 

Due to the fact I am a borderline millennial and also on the brink of being a 90’s baby, I cannot associate myself with one age group, but rotate my associations based on what is circulating around twitter. Depending on the context I can choose what I want to associate myself with and claim my OWN identity.

I would like to begin by asking:

What kind of category are you placed into?

Have you decided to reject societal and cultural norms associated with gender and race?

Do you identify with certain areas of pop culture?

Do you fit into a number of categories according to race, age, gender and class?

And… who are you?

These are some of the foundational questions people subconsciously think about when they first see you. Straight away, your character is pre-determined and placed into a particular division; which then determines how society tells us how to address you… sad and pathetic don’t you think?

bad b*tch promoting self love

Some people may find this caption slightly cringy, however others may appreciate the “I don’t give a f*ck” attitude. Nonetheless, the way in which I was treated on a train illustrated that the kinds of groups you are stereotyped with expels all hopes and dreams of being an existentialist who is responsible for making their life their own.

When travelling on a Virgin Train to London, one would assume that there would be equal treatment for all passengers, especially with the hierarchical client-employee relationship. Thus, there should be a level of respect on both sides allowing for a cordial relationship between both parties.

My family and I were sat on a table of four, eagerly anticipating a new chapter in my life, when the train manager came to check our tickets. He asked us for them and the railcard we used for that particular journey. Unfortunately, the railcard was not a physical copy. Virgin had assured us that this would not be an issue and explained that it would be acceptable to show the email confirming our purchased railcard instead.

The train manager had a problem with the fact that we could not display a physical copy of the railcard and said that we had to buy new tickets. My dad attempted to explain to the train manager the contradiction between what he was asserting in contrast to what Virgin had emailed us. The train manager was not convinced.

Following on from this, my mum decided to be quite firm with the manager and explain that paying for new tickets was absurd. Her encounter with the manager held no weight and both my parents decided to buy new tickets; after seeing the new price of £500 my parents were quite rightly outraged and exclaimed that the price was too high.

I progressively became more infuriated by the conversation because I felt that the manager was intentionally being difficult. Moreover, due to the situation being so intense, my little brother was in tears.

Firmly and assertively I said “Excuse me, Sir, but I don’t think you understand that my parents have clearly bought the tickets and railcard. But due to the fact there was no physical copy you are making us pay £500. We are on our way to my first day of university and there has been a conflict for no reason.” However, during the speech I began to feel myself shaking a little as I addressed the oppressor, a white middle class, middle aged male.

His reaction to my assertiveness was the pinnacle of the encounter as it may have shook the power structure of either gender, age and racial hierarchy which could have been very unnatural to him. His response was directed to my dad (clearly this was a man to man thing if you know what I mean) and said “my daughter would never speak to me in such a way, I would advise you teach her how to address people”. I was ashamed, appalled and embarrassed by this comment, as I was being placed into a socially constructed bracket of a disrespectful teenager. This was juxtaposed to the hierarchical relationship of client to employee which was, in my opinion, totally disregarded by the train manager. Of course, you could guess that I was unbearably fuming and what was even more tragic is that I could not out rightly expose him for, what I assumed to be sexist remarks.

The train manager asked if he could speak to my dad (only my dad) outside the carriage. When my dad came back he explained that the train manager “let him off” although he did not like the way my mum or I spoke to him. The train manager asked my dad to tell my mum and I to APOLOGISE because we were DISRESPECTFUL. #(Some)MenAreTrash

The virgin employee’s managerial status may have taken precedence over what was morally right in that situation and attempted to assert his little power onto us as a family and even more so onto me. This could demonstrate that there does exist a structure of power that some wish to knock down and others to wish to keep “strong and stable”. Furthermore, with the circulation of feminist debates and these views being promoted, I found it even more shocking that those words were, in his mind, socially acceptable to say.

It is interesting to note that one’s intersectionality speaks volumes. ‘This is the interconnected nature of social categorisations such as race and gender which apply to the individual or group, regarded as overlapping and interdependent systems of discrimination. However, it is merely impossible to prove and is more or less a shunned topic to speak about when it actually happens. I addressed the kind gentlemen next to us and my parents, expressing my rage and how I believed it to be sexist; nevertheless, I received an immediate reaction of them shaking their heads, cutting off my line of argument and silencing my outrage.

Some may argue that to speak up is necessary, and the more radical would most likely endorse this tactic. Nonetheless, looking at the hasty refusal to allow me to speak up illustrated that challenging the imbedded power structure that exists in “multicultural Britain” may possibly cause more pain than it would pleasure.

To finalise, I have learnt that I should respect men, understand I probably don’t know much and I should let my father do the talking. xx